The Magical Marble Jar Of Friendship
It should seem obvious who our ‘friends’ are. But as I’ve seen recently in my life and mirrored in the lives around me, sometimes life brings us circumstances that can confuse our perception of who our ‘real’ friends ‘really’ are... And as you know, when things happen in clusters around me? I start to give it some thought :)
So here I present a little allegory that gives a great perspective. The idea is basic – all relationships in life have a marble jar.
THE MARBLE JAR
*This concept is adapted from the brilliant researcher/storyteller, Brene Brown*
On the first day of school, the first grade teacher presented a marble jar. She explained to the class that when they were collectively making good choices, she would place some marbles in the jar. Conversely, when the class broke rules or acted out, she would remove marbles. When the jar was full, the students would be rewarded with a celebration party.
The teacher began the day by placing some marbles in the jar.
After her daughter had experienced her first betrayal of friendship, Brown used this example to soothe her tears by comparing friendships/relationships to her teachers Marble Jar.
When a someone honors your trust, is kind or supports you - well that’s marbles in the jar! And that’s how real relationships are built, one step or one marble at a time. This applies to business as well. (I’ve made the error of taking a handful of marbles and filing the jar in one swoop or in a short period of time, and regretted it later….)
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is to let the jar fill organically over time.
Beginning with a handful of marbles, is giving people the prosaic, ‘benefit of the doubt’ and that’s OK. And as we slowly add marbles over time, that friendship blooms and become more colorful! Or we stop adding them and that person may remain a friendly acquaintance.
However, when someone disrespects us, says mean things, or betrays our trust, we emotionally begin to remove marbles.
Sometimes, it’s something huge and we dump the jar all at once and our marbles go rolling! The jar breaks, we have a mess to clean and the message is clear - it's time to let go.
And sometimes it’s little things- marbles are slowly removed one by one over a period of time. As the jar empties, we may begin to reassess the friendship.
In the story, Brown also asked her daughter, ‘who are your marble jar friends?’ and ‘how did they get your marbles?’
Sometimes it’s important to look at these things. I realize it’s a metaphor and relationships are more complicated than a little jar.
And it’s NOT to say that we should look at our loved ones in terms of one marble given or one marble taken.
Things can gain clarity when we understand that oftentimes,
Trust, Love, Friendship & our Hearts are given, One Marble At a Time.
Here are some of the favorite colors in my Marble Jar….
Friends make you feel good about yourself and your journey
They support your endeavors & encourage your dreams
Friends help to lift the clouds and bring you joy
They show up when you need a hand and pick up the phone when you need a shoulder
Friends stick around through life’s ups & downs
They’re not only available when things are going well. They are present in your life on both good & bad days.
Friends keep your trust sacred
They don’t blab your secrets or share things behind your back.
Friends are open & honest
They don’t hide their intentions. If something is going on, they say it to your face with kindness and understanding.
Friends say sorry
It’s important to mention this one!! We All ‘funk’ up sometimes.
AND…..
Real Friendships survive the storm
It’s not about the disagreement, it’s how you work through it together
Also, it goes without saying….
IF You want good friends? Do your best to BE a good friend :)
What’s in your Marble Jar?
So blessed for your sweet light in my life
Til Next Time! May your Marble Jar be brimming with Love and Beautiful colors!
Meredith
So here I present a little allegory that gives a great perspective. The idea is basic – all relationships in life have a marble jar.
THE MARBLE JAR
*This concept is adapted from the brilliant researcher/storyteller, Brene Brown*
On the first day of school, the first grade teacher presented a marble jar. She explained to the class that when they were collectively making good choices, she would place some marbles in the jar. Conversely, when the class broke rules or acted out, she would remove marbles. When the jar was full, the students would be rewarded with a celebration party.
The teacher began the day by placing some marbles in the jar.
After her daughter had experienced her first betrayal of friendship, Brown used this example to soothe her tears by comparing friendships/relationships to her teachers Marble Jar.
When a someone honors your trust, is kind or supports you - well that’s marbles in the jar! And that’s how real relationships are built, one step or one marble at a time. This applies to business as well. (I’ve made the error of taking a handful of marbles and filing the jar in one swoop or in a short period of time, and regretted it later….)
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is to let the jar fill organically over time.
Beginning with a handful of marbles, is giving people the prosaic, ‘benefit of the doubt’ and that’s OK. And as we slowly add marbles over time, that friendship blooms and become more colorful! Or we stop adding them and that person may remain a friendly acquaintance.
However, when someone disrespects us, says mean things, or betrays our trust, we emotionally begin to remove marbles.
Sometimes, it’s something huge and we dump the jar all at once and our marbles go rolling! The jar breaks, we have a mess to clean and the message is clear - it's time to let go.
And sometimes it’s little things- marbles are slowly removed one by one over a period of time. As the jar empties, we may begin to reassess the friendship.
In the story, Brown also asked her daughter, ‘who are your marble jar friends?’ and ‘how did they get your marbles?’
Sometimes it’s important to look at these things. I realize it’s a metaphor and relationships are more complicated than a little jar.
And it’s NOT to say that we should look at our loved ones in terms of one marble given or one marble taken.
Things can gain clarity when we understand that oftentimes,
Trust, Love, Friendship & our Hearts are given, One Marble At a Time.
Here are some of the favorite colors in my Marble Jar….
Friends make you feel good about yourself and your journey
They support your endeavors & encourage your dreams
Friends help to lift the clouds and bring you joy
They show up when you need a hand and pick up the phone when you need a shoulder
Friends stick around through life’s ups & downs
They’re not only available when things are going well. They are present in your life on both good & bad days.
Friends keep your trust sacred
They don’t blab your secrets or share things behind your back.
Friends are open & honest
They don’t hide their intentions. If something is going on, they say it to your face with kindness and understanding.
Friends say sorry
It’s important to mention this one!! We All ‘funk’ up sometimes.
AND…..
Real Friendships survive the storm
It’s not about the disagreement, it’s how you work through it together
Also, it goes without saying….
IF You want good friends? Do your best to BE a good friend :)
What’s in your Marble Jar?
So blessed for your sweet light in my life
Til Next Time! May your Marble Jar be brimming with Love and Beautiful colors!
Meredith
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